My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
