So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She bit a glass in half.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
