Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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