I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
