Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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