You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
