i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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