I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
