I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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