Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
