Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
