We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
