Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
