Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
