You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
