I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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