I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
