First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
