thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
