I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
