Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
