if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did i walk over a car last night?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
