lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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