he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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