he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
