Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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