I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
