peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
