I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
