I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
