so that wasnt chicken after all
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
