i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
