Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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