I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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