A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
