i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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