if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
