The beer is more important than you right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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