I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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