Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
