your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
