you traded sex for a burrito?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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