nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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