I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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