This is not my ceiling
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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