How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
