K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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