she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
