i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
