i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
