Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
