Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
