This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
