something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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