There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize