I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
