I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize