here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
