Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
