at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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