we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
