you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
