I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
