benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
