i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
