the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
