Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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