Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
