Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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