Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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