pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
