My hand turned me down
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
