I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
