Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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