No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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