Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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