shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
