I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
