Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
