all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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