ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
